Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Kingsmen could have been the next James Bond but what is this? It's like they had a brainstorming session, and decided to go with every single idea they'd jotted down, leading to about two dozen malformed, dangling subplots awkwardly mashed together into something horrible and nearly unwatchable. The sad part is, there's a 90-minute rough draft buried somewhere in there that could have been worked into something really good.



Lucy (2014)

This is a big, professionally-made movie that's based around the idea that humans only use 10% of their brains. Except that's a dumb myth from the 1800s and makes the movie impossible to enjoy.

What's even more frustrating is that there's a lot of craftmanship and talent here and, with a bit of a rewrite, it probably could have been one of the great science fiction films of all time, instead of a cringefest. If only one of the hundreds of people who worked on this had pointed out the error, at any point during the film's making...

This is also at least the third movie where Scarlett Johansson has ascended to a higher plane of reality, and I'd be curious to know why producers and Johansson herself think of her that way.



Modern Art In The Common Culture

The author dances on a fine line between insightful and cartoonish. His writing style is so awful that every time he quoted someone else, I felt a sensation of relief, as if I were going on a pleasant little vacation.



Planet Terror (2007)

It feels like it should be good. I kept seeing things and thinking, "Yes, what a good idea for this type of movie", but it still manages to be so so boring.



Derek - Season One

Great cast. Sometimes everything comes together and works but, most of the time, it varies weirdly between cringey, hilarious, boring, touching, and cheesy. I admire the effort (A+), but I'd have rather not wasted my time.



Gladiator (2000)

I get that most historical movies are about as accurate as this one is, but why use real names? Imagine if they made a movie about Jimmy Carter killing Gerald Ford, and then developing a violent blood feud with some made-up baseball player.

Anyway, this movie is weird emotions porn and very boring.



Berserk: The Golden Age Arc 1 - The Egg of the King (2012)

It has some good moments, and some dull moments. The trilogy is overall bad and whatever potential I thought this first one had, the next two didn't live up to. Avoid.



Good Will Hunting (1997)

The plot of this movie is that Will Hunting is a genius but he doesn't want to do genius things. Everyone he talks to tells him to go away because you can't be a genius in Boston. Apparently the only way to be a genius is to leave a city full of world-renown universities. Eventually everyone nags him enough and he gets in his car and drives off to genius land. I think the song that plays as he drives off is "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow", but it's been a while since I've seen it so I might be remembering that wrong.



Good Times (1974-1979)

When this show started, it was supposed to be a serious drama disguised as sitcom. Then it became a wacky, nothing-special sitcom because watching people teetering on the edge of starvation is exhausting but watching a funny twenty-minute show at the end of a hard day is nice.

Norman Lear sitcoms are sometimes emotionally poignant, and they often try to prove a point in a preaching-to-the-choir way. But they're almost never entertaining.