Silence (2016)

Here's a picture of some Portuguese Jesuits executing people who were secretly practicing Judaism. As key members of the Portuguese Inquisition, the Jesuits searched for and massacred entire communities of hidden Jews from 1531 to 1773.



Jack (1996)

It's a heart-warming/tear-jerking family comedy about a boy who ages four times faster than normal, so by the time he is ten, he has the body of a forty year old. You can probably guess the entire plot from there.

The movie seems to be barely aware of how horrific the premise actually is, but that's fine because future-suicide Robin William's ad-libbing is a pleasant distraction.



Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

Do you remember Star Wars being fun, good-looking action-adventure movies with a lot of one-liners, and a main character who was kind of a whiner? Then you will like this movie. Maybe it was a little too busy compared with the originals, but after watching it a second time, maybe not.


Would you describe Star Wars as a "life-defining event" or in some way personally important to you? Have you watched the originals so many times that you've memorized all the dialogue, and don't experience any happiness watching them, besides the warm comfort of familiarity? Is Star Wars an unfeeling, unresponding, but safe and predictable surrogate mother to you? Then apparently you will hate this movie so much that you will burn your own possessions and join a social media white supremacist group.



The 'Burbs (1989)

It's a silly 80s comedy. The jokes are mildly funny, the plot is full of holes and loose threads, and Corey Feldman is hanging around for no obvious reason.



Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

There's a lot of good, weird stuff in this movie, but I just can't get past the robot lips. They move like flesh, but look like they are made of solid metal. But not in a cool way, in a panicked last-minute decision kind of way.



The Dirty Dozen (1967)

During WWII, twelve soldiers are offered commuted sentences if they can survive a suicide mission behind enemy lines.


This is a genre that used to produce some of the best action movies of all time (this, The Wild Bunch, half the good Shaw Brothers films, Aliens), and which Hollywood has relentlessly been trying to revive, with the results ranging in quality from Suicide Squad to Rogue One. What that says about the modern world is beyond me.


Anyway, this is one of the top action films of all time, and the cast is unbelievable. Go watch this.



The Jerk (1979)


Shutter Island (2010)

Horror movies set the bar so low that the good ones get called thrillers. This one is extra scary if you've recently quit smoking, because not only is everyone smoking in nearly every scene, but they do tight close-ups of lit cigarettes, burning away their delicious, smoky goodness.



Ted Chiang - Stories Of Your Life And Others (2002)

The story the collection is named after - which is wonderful beyond words - was made into the movie Arrival. That was pretty ambitious considering how uncinematic the original was. Beyond that, the math geek in me loved "Division by Zero". The other stories are extremely entertaining, occasionally clumsy, and a bit forgettable.