Grimm's Household Tales - Jacob Grimm and Wilhelm Grimm

The most famous collection of fairy tales, but a long way from being the best. The stories and their messages are weird and unbalanced - not just by the standards of the day - and there are also a couple of antisemitic stories that spoil the whole thing.

When I point something like that out, someone inevitably makes a "it was normal back then" argument, but I've never seen antisemitic stories in any other old folk tale collections and, according to one of the world's top experts, Maria Tatar, no other German collection from the 19th century has any similar stories. Besides that, story books like this are one of the first things to define what normal means for people, and should be held to a very high standard. I'd bet you bottom dollar that most people involved in implementing the Holocaust were introduced to the existence of Jews through this very book. A stain on the genre. A piece of garbage that's best left forgotten.



Trainspotting (1996)

The city I live in is crowded with heroin addicts and none of them look as cool or sexy as in this movie. And they're definitely not jacked like the one guy is. And they never wear sexy short-sleeved clothing because they want to hide their track marks. And they don't have sexy haircuts, or haircuts at all. Instead of cool music and fun and thrills, a more realistic movie would feature a scar-covered homeless person with tangled hair locking himself in a smelly public bathroom stall for most of the day, because that way no one will disturb his high. Probably the most unrealistic thing about this movie is a heroin addict being disgusted with a filthy public toilet.


I'd probably be willing to forgive that if the movie was really good, but it's just another failure of a 90s Tarantino rip-off, that only barely gets by on visuals



8 Mile (2002)

A perfect, innocent rap angel is oppressed and beset all sides by the evil devil people who surround him and live only to ruin and destroy him. An unbiased depiction of Eminem's early life.



Jet Force Gemini (1999)
What is he holding?

First you watch a bunch of great-looking cutscenes, then create a save slot (press one button, looks really cool), then sit back for some more cutscenes. Then walk for about 15 seconds, then talk to a guy who offers to show you a long cutscene (psychically). Then your character walks across a large field. Then, after nearly an hour invested, the gameplay finally starts and it is awful.

There's not much going on in terms of level design or game mechanics, so they just made the controls difficult - hyper sensitive and your aim is constantly dragging - to disguise the fact. This is what happens when you spend all your budget on cutscenes.



Super Mario RPG (1996)

I've not liked video games before, but this gave me a special kind of profound disappointment, not commensurate with the ~$5 I payed for it on the Wii Store (RIP).

I spent roughly twenty years hearing about how great this is and hearing it called a classic. It's the same boring Mario look and the same boring Mario plot (Bowser kidnaps the Princess... with a twist). It's the most tedious gameplay a JRPG has ever had, and in a genre that's driven by story, you can't do much with characters whose personalities are one word or less.