Metal Gear Solid (1998)

It's the sort of twitchy, old-school game where you're guaranteed to die every couple minutes, without warning, even if you're good. That's fine. Some of those old games are fun. Every time you die, the phone rings. You start to associate the sound of the phone ringing with unexpected death. The problem is, the phone also frequently rings when you DON'T die, and the NPCs just want to chat with you. I don't think English has a word to describe the unpleasantness of a machine training you to have Pavlovian reaction of instant annoyance to a certain sound, and then using that reaction to fuck around with you.

Beyond that, its visuals are dull, its gameplay is repetitive. At one point, for no reason, a naked, unconscious woman has her butt sticking up in the air, which seems more like a joke about a Japanese game developer than something a Japanese game developer would actually do.

I tried to write about how stupid a character Revolver Ocelot is, but every description I came up with made him sound awesome, so I'll just leave you with this video.