Mission Impossible: Fallout (2019)

Super-fun, super-dramatic spy movie. Even Henry Cavill somehow doesn't seem to suck, although that might just be good editing. Pretty impressive that the sixth movie in an extremely irregular franchise would be the best one.



Metal Gear Solid (1998)

It's the sort of twitchy, old-school game where you're guaranteed to die every couple minutes, without warning, even if you're good. That's fine. Some of those old games are fun. Every time you die, the phone rings. You start to associate the sound of the phone ringing with unexpected death. The problem is, the phone also frequently rings when you DON'T die, and the NPCs just want to chat with you. I don't think English has a word to describe the unpleasantness of a machine training you to have Pavlovian reaction of instant annoyance to a certain sound, and then using that reaction to fuck around with you.


Beyond that, its visuals are dull, its gameplay is repetitive. At one point, for no reason, a naked, unconscious woman has her butt sticking up in the air, which seems more like a joke about a Japanese game developer than something a Japanese game developer would actually do.


I tried to write about how stupid a character Revolver Ocelot is, but every description I came up with made him sound awesome, so I'll just leave you with this video.



Live And Let Die (1973)

This has my vote for worst James Bond movie. Even a silly movie like Moonraker has its charms and some good action sequences.


James Bond is completely out-of-place in a blaxploitation film. Roger Moore is bland and obnoxious; he was never the best Bond, but he's a lot more watchable in any other Bond film. Every scene is flat and tiresome and misses the mark. In the dramatic climax, the main villain gets blown up like a balloon (pictured).


In the very last scene, we find out the moral of the story is that Voodoo is real, even though Voodoo was only tangential to the plot. It's like if Godfather ended with Michael turning to the camera and saying, "I guess what we've all learned in these last few months is that oranges are delicious".